A contemporary caricature of the German writer Kurt
Tucholsky (1928).
|
A contemporary caricature of the German writer Kurt
Tucholsky (1928). |
Cellphone Quatsch
"I'm in the dogfood aisle, which brand of
dogfood do you want for Lily? No, they don't have that one. How about...? How
many cans should I get?" Or, how about... "I'm just boarding the plane...
I found a seat on the aisle... Row 7, how lucky! ... There's someone coming down
the aisle... Oh crap! I think he plans on sitting next to me... I'll look the
other way and see if he moves on... Here comes another person...Oops! Gotta go.
The Flight Attendant is telling us to shut off our cellphones... Oops!"
Political Quatsch
NSC
|
Stephen Hadley, US National Security
Advisor |
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Kurt Tucholsky, 1890-1935. Born in Berlin, WW I soldier, prolific essayist, anti-militarist. After the Nazis came to power, his books were burned and his citizenship revoked. Died by his own hand in Sweden. |
Business Quatsch
"…and then I explained to those people: If you
don't give the mortgage to BRONNEMANN, then BRONNEMANN will just drop out of the
situation! My brother-in-law in Frankfurt writes here that he sees the situation
entirely differently… nowadays it is difficult! In my opinion, even just looking
at the tax situation we can't possibly do it! Just think about it: Who's got
money these days? Do 'they' have money…
Family Quatsch
"…and then LUCIE said to JENNY, she never said that
to OSKAR, that ERWIN didn't tell her anything! What d'ya think…? Well, of course
that's perfectly clear, how would she know that? No? — No! If you hadn't said to
Mama that I would have said it to you, then I wouldn't have been able to say to
Aunt EMMI that MAX said it to JENNY! Now listen for once to what I'm telling
you…! Now let me say something for once…!
Literati Quatsch
"…my position is simply that our mentality here is
already in some sense very good!" — "In any case, he's completely unable to work
off his aggressive reactions because of his inhibitions, you can see that in all
of his novels — and don't try to tell me anything about Expressionism —
Expressionism is dead and if you bring up SPENGLER — then I'll walk right out of
here!"
Erotic Quatsch
"…well, you know my dear Madam, that nowadays — I
mean with the new realism — we simply don't have as much time for our feelings
as our grandparents did — take a look at sports — one has to consider that
Nature plays a part! This is clearly a new age, and I could imagine a woman that
simply, yes, simply follows her impulses without inhibitions because her blood
cries out…"
Medical Quatsch
"…you can't tell me anything! I have an uncle who
knew DR. PROPPKE the senior medical officer at the City Hospital very well! No,
gentlemen, in medical questions I'm quite competent, in a sense. Now, look here:
the lungs drive the blood through the aorta, it flows in at the top and runs out
again at the bottom — the kidneys have absolutely nothing to do with it, you can
trust me on that one! But the spleen, the spleen, gentlemen, it has more of a
function, and if the spleen could talk, then it would say — "
Only in rare cases does language serve to conceal thought because that presumes that every speaker has thoughts. And that isn't the case. The purpose of language is much more to fill up emptiness, as a sign of life; it is frequently present because it wills itself to be so. The core of speech — in all languages — is surrounded by quatsch.
One doesn't say, "The actor PINNEMANN had a minor accident." One says instead, "Tell me — what I wanted to say — do you know that … what is his name … yes, that PINNEMANN, you know, the actor, you must know him! Of course you know him! Well, that PINNEMANN recently fell off the stage onto the kettle drum? Yes, directly onto the kettle drum! Haha! Falls off and sits himself on the kettle drum —" That's the way it goes.
There are many kinds of quatsch. I don't think that people could survive without it — they can't get by without it, they need it like air and water — it's an element of life.
Open up your ears and listen in on what is being said around you: if these spoken words had a per word charge the way a telegram does, you would hear much less. But the words are free and prepaid and so the quatsch buzzes around you. Of course, there are taciturn people, as for example the man from Hamburg who was standing next to a seaman on the bank of the Elbe river who stood looking into the water for hours. Every half hour they spit into it. After an hour and a half, the man from Hamburg said to the seaman, "Nice weather today!" The seaman didn't even look up, but after another half hour he growled, "I can see that too, without yakking about it!"
After you've read this, listen around you and say honestly what you hear. After you've noted all of it you'll understand that old and wise man who the doctor forbade to drink whiskey on account of his hearing. As the patient returned for a second consultation he was stone deaf and couldn't hear a thing anymore. The doctor was appalled. He wrote on a piece of paper for the old man, "You drank whiskey! I told you that would happen and now you've lost your hearing…" To which the old man replied, "My dear doctor! Nothing I heard was as good as the whiskey."
Wasn't he right?
Peter Panter (1928)
For a view of conversation from a different planet than the one Kurt Tucholsky lived on click on the link below.
The NY Times on Conversation, March 20, 2006